Exhaustion. I’m really amazed at how thoroughly exhausted I’ve been this week. I think I underestimated how much energy our trip to NYC was going to require – and coupled with the loss of those oh-so-essential weekends at home to recoup, Monday morning was a tough one. Each night we’ve tackled small things – a grocery run, unpacking, a trip to the laundromat (because nothing is more fun than returning home from a trip to a broken washing machine), trying to get back into some sort of routine.
It’s bizarre how my mind and body can go at full speed ahead almost all the time – I’m more routine driven than maybe I thought. But as soon as I interrupt that routine with even the smallest shift in schedule – a Monday holiday, a sick day at home, a weekend trip, or a weeklong break – well, it seems like I have to relearn everything that I had previously set to auto-pilot. I forget the regular stuff. I met M at the gym Monday night, and then proceeded to fill him in on dinner plans, forgetting that he takes E to violin lessons on Monday nights. (It’s fortunate that we actually had that brief conversation between planking sessions, or I might have driven home without F.) All week I’ve forgotten things, sign-up forms and water bottles and Friday brown bag lunches. I can’t catch up. I can’t find the reset button.
I want to be so energized by the seasonal shifts, but even my running feels forced and sluggish. I’m wiped out, and it’s got me down. Sure, I took a week off for vacation, and I should cut myself a little slack. But outside of that time off, the constant, relentless nature of daily life never lets up. I can tell myself to take a night off, relax, turn off the to-do list for awhile. Others tell me that as well. But it never goes away, so it’s just compounding when I do. We divide and conquer really well in our house, but some days it just feels like we’re in a constant state of putting out fires. There’s always a next wave behind the last one. We knock out the annual appointments and it’s time to schedule summer camps. We fill out those applications, write those deposit checks, deliver them, and then it’s tax time. Week’s end, time for a new menu and a grocery store run. The older one can’t fit into her spring shoes, the younger one’s worn holes through hers.
I find myself daydreaming about not working for awhile – just a month or two, several weeks in a row where I can knock out some of these things during the daylight hours rather than trying to muster up the energy at ten o’clock on a Wednesday night, or spending a gorgeous spring Saturday chained to my desk or running four thousand errands. I know that wouldn’t solve everything, and I’ll continue trying my best to simplify and reduce the to-do’s on the front end. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fighting off a bit of envy for those with an open Tuesday, and an open Wednesday to follow.
Goodness, I am right there with you. I am starting a new and very intense job and we’ve just moved to another country and there is so much I still want and need to do and I just need two more days in the week to do so! Alas, things will wait and it will all get done eventually!
Yes, you’ve got a full plate for sure. I hope the move went well. Transitions are tough.
Let me know when you find those extra two days. Leap Day this year wasn’t quite enough!
The Fridays that I drop off Toby at school, but don’t head into the office, I feel like I have to be productive and constantly moving, which leaves me feeling drained as I pick him up and also feeling like I should have done at least one more chore.
have you read about how the spring (and fall) equinoxes affect some people? I’ll send you a link. Just fyi. Hang in there.
Ah, that particular green-headed monster rears its head for me every so often, too! Especially when exhaustion is running high. It was the worst for the few summers when my office window looked out on the local pool so I WATCHED the moms/kids head in for a Tuesday afternoon swim. Working FT outside the home with school age kids, plus sports, and volunteering, etc. can definitely lead to that ‘relentless’ feeling you describe!
I feel you. But then add on not taking any leave, or as little leave as possible, so you can save up as much leave as possible for a maybe-someday maternity leave and it’s just mind numbingly exhausting and so guilt-ridden. Hang in there sweets. 🙂
Ugh. I’m sure. You hang in there too.
I am so untalented at schedules and deadlines… I know I’m in for real trouble next year, when my son starts Kindergarden and has way more scheduled requirements than the few hours of weekly preschool we’ve been accustomed to. I work at night, so I do have free Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s (well… As free as they can be with a 2 and 5 year old in tow). It’s still impossible to get everything tackled. I’m always behind. I’m not sure there is ever an easy answer, but I do realize that having a flexible daytime schedule is a luxury.
Hope you get into a smooth rhythm soon!
Lilly recently posted…Easter at Home
I was happy to get back from our spring break vacation but I have not had a lot of energy either. And then transitioning to new sports schedules for the kids has been a bit confusing. I still have not unpacked my suitcase and we got back on 3/29!!! At least all the clothes inside are clean since we had a washer/dryer at our rental.
I would LOVE to have a washer / dryer on vacation. (But not a laundromat.) I would definitely throw a couple of loads in overnight and fold and pack clean clothes to take home. I love most things about the place we rent at Sanibel, but my one complaint is no unit W/D. (Some have them, but they are locked up for owner’s use.)
If you take your kids, it’s not a vacation. It’s a trip. A busy, expensive, exhausting (but wonderful) trip.
Exactly.