backup wishes

I couldn’t sleep last night, and couldn’t stop thinking of this as we walked together in the garden this morning:

I wish for a world where you can go to a party (to work, to school, to church, to a restaurant, to a club, to the park, on vacation, down the street) and just enjoy yourself. Free of worry and fear of assault – a world where you don’t have to carry the weight of the shape of your body or your wardrobe choices, their alcohol intake or their entitlement or their rage.

A world where you can fully be yourself in any of those spaces, without wasting brain space and heart space on exit strategies. You don’t need to depend on a friend (a witness, a weapon) to walk you to the bathroom or to the train or to your dorm.

A world where you can take creative risks in following those things that you are most passionate about because you have the confidence that, even in failure, you will learn and grow. You will not have to focus instead on other risks that leave you broken and bruised and blamed.

But because that seems to be TOO MUCH TO ASK and I know that you are not safe – no matter how much I teach you and tell you and expose you and shield you and pray for you and hold my breath and lose sleep over you, I must focus my wishes on this:

I wish for a world that listens, weeps, atones, and believes you.