Forgive my absence here. Every spare moment is full, although I’m working hard to still maintain the things that keep me somewhat sane in the chaos. I have no reason to complain – life is just busy, not wrecked by serious stress or debilitating loss or insurmountable barriers. Just full, a little too full, and requiring some adjustments in several key areas over the next few weeks – before we launch back into the school year routines, and all that entails.
The garden is glorious, and it reminds me (again and again) that these seasons are both fleeting and reassuring in their cyclical passing. As I walk, I think about the many ways these reminders help me to refocus and reconnect. I don’t always have the opportunity to write everything down that I’m thinking about, but I’m always grateful for the moments of focus and reflection outside of the fullness of these days.
It’s been two weeks since I was last here, and I didn’t even realize that I missed last Saturday. I worked for two weeks straight, including the holiday and the weekend. I must have just moved into auto-pilot mode for awhile, and kept most of the processing of things in my own headspace.
I’m in a much better place than I was two weeks ago. My parents returned from an overseas trip, and I was able to fill them in on things and talk it out a bit. I met a friend for a walk in the garden, and that helped even more. M sent me little notes and photos and posts of things of interest to distract me and energize me. I tried to eat more. And sleep more. I failed at both, but it was worth a shot.
In the meantime I finished a big project at work, and advanced another, while holding down the fort on a couple more. I planned and executed a tenth birthday party to the exacting standards of said ten-year-old, and I tucked four small exhausted children into bed at just after midnight last night. The fifth not-so-small teenager put herself to bed with the door firmly shut long before the little ones.
I balanced all of the things for all of the minutes of all of the days, and only dropped a few of them. My head is tired, and needs a break. I found some of that in running today, and then cleaning. A little more of it in reminiscing about other birthday weekends as I cleaned and talked to the girls. A Friday afternoon party is sort of a logistical nightmare for an overworked mama, but the weekend unfolded this morning in a deliciously unstructured way, so no complaints on the flip side of it.
The little one is mad about an eight o’clock bedtime, but I’m standing firm. Sleep is a present, she just doesn’t realize that yet. It’s a gift I’d like to register for, thank you. She was so miffed she said she didn’t want me to read to her, so I left her to her own reading. She’s calling me now with an apology, she’s changed her mind, she’d like me to come back up and snuggle in. She’s still my little one, sleepy and warm in the crook of my arm.