To be quite honest, it’s hard to open up the imaginary “cover” on this journal, and see that photo of the girls and I on Tuesday staring back at me. I’ve had to back away from this space for a few days to catch my breath. It’s not that I haven’t been writing or talking – I’ve been doing more of that than normal. But while I treat this space as I place where I get to write for me, I am aware that you are there reading too, and words matter.
Where do I even start?
I vehemently oppose every single statement that Trump has made on dozens of issues – I can’t even wrap my head around them all, and the impact that any actions on these issues will have on our country, and my daughters, and our friends and neighbors, and our nation’s economy, and the global economy, and the Supreme Court, and our national security, and our planet… Each one of these issues, and many more, cycle through my mind at the most inconvenient times, particularly when I’m trying to focus on my work, or I’m driving alone in my car, or when I’m trying to quiet my mind enough to fall asleep. (I’m not sleeping much this week.) It is a gorgeous Saturday morning, and I have a long list of things that I want to do today, but I simply cannot focus because the words will.not.stop in my mind.
I could write a series on any one of the issues I listed above, and describe in detail the real and tangible threats posed to each of them, as evidenced by not only the statements made by the President-Elect, but by the choices he is already making about his transition team and cabinet members. I urge you to take the time to really understand what these people bring to the table, and consider the impact that their ideology will bring to the highest branches of government in this country.
But my words today mostly swirl around the racist bigotry that has found a home again in mainstream America. I’ve written about and acknowledged the bubble that I’ve been living in – comfortably relegating truly deplorable behavior to the fringes of society in pockets of the deep south – a region my extended family has lived in for generations, a region ripe with the continued expression of this hatred. Guess what folks? It doesn’t just reside there. It’s everywhere. It’s in your state, it’s on your street, it’s in your schools, it’s in your places of worship, it’s in your family. It’s in the White House.
(Pausing this writing, the tears behind the surface since Tuesday night are finally spilling over. Maybe I’m still not ready for this.)
Here are three action items for me this week:
1. Continue to reach out to communities and people with LEGITIMATE fears about their daily lives in this country. This is a lot of people. Trump railed against most everyone except for white, heterosexual males in his campaign – and he even attacked those guys if they happened to choose journalism as a career. Support protest movements across the country with as much passion for our first amendment rights as gun right supporters funnel into their second amendment rights. Talk to my children about the importance of these rights, and use this post as a guideline for discussing the importance of protest movements in our nation. I can’t expect them to understand this without discussion; we must teach our children better.
2. Become more vigilant about seeing racist behavior and calling people out on it. Especially the subtle stuff. Remind my girls every single morning as they walk out of our house and into their day to do the same. (Raging in my head: Can this really be real?? Why can’t I just tell them I love them and to have a good day at school?? This is a freaking nightmare.) A Muslim acquaintance of mine found this note written by her eighth grade daughter on the memo board in her room Wednesday morning:
“Go out there and use your education to stop bigotry.”
So yes, I’ll remind them of that too.
3. Join forces with organizations already doing the real work to make change in this country. Put my money where my mouth is, where my heart is. Say ‘yes’ to new positions when my first instinct is to protect precious things to me – my time, my effort, my privilege. I’ve said ‘yes’ to becoming a board member for We Stories here because it is an actionable extension of our family’s mission to live within, and learn from, diverse communities. I will support businesses and organizations that support and protect all Americans. I will remove my business from those that denigrate others – I’m already working through that list.
I have bigger challenges ahead of me on this – personal challenges that I don’t yet have the answers to. As Bill Maher said last night, we can’t exactly unfriend 47% of the nation. I’m not really on Facebook outside of the communication vehicles for a few committees I’m involved with, but even with that little access, I’m shocked at the things that still show up in my feed. I understand that many people were underwhelmed with Hillary on the ticket, and many had strong reservations about her. But I have not yet rationalized a vote for Trump for any reason. We must not sanitize the racist platform that he ran on, nor the support he has garnered from the White Nationalist movement, the KKK, and other alt-right groups. Voting for him was an active form of endorsement of this platform. The fact that we have to listen to these conversations now in order to understand what we’re up against is a disgrace to the strong, equitable, inclusive nation that we love to think of as a gloriously unique model for the rest of the world.
…..
I reread the post I wrote eight years ago on the eve of that election. I explained how I responded to the question from E about how people decide who to vote for in any given election:
Some choose a president based on the decisions that they have made on certain issues, the decisions that have led them to run this race. For those people, they may choose the one that has made the most decisions in line with their own, or may even choose based on one key decision. But for me, I explain, I am choosing the person based on how they approach each of those decisions. I attempt to point out just how complex this world and this nation is, how there are millions of tiny and monumental decisions to be made on any given day, and no one, no how, can ever possibly know what all those decisions might be. So I’m choosing the one who I think approaches issues with an open mind, an open ear, and a reasoned, thoughtful approach and a refreshing combination of a razor sharp intelligence and a dash of humility.
This is heartbreaking to read now. This is a heartbreaking loss. I’ve had personal losses before; I’ve had candidates that I’ve supported fall short of the mark. This is different. This threatens the progress that we’ve made as a nation for decades, and poses a clear threat to our future security and identity as a free and noble home to a beautiful, complicated, driven, inspired people.
Chin up! Rise up! There’s work to do.
….
Epilogue (for today): My parents sent me this link because they know that my love for Van Jones knows no bounds. This three part mini-documentary is really worth a listen. Damn, these conversations are hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AhRqg0ADbk
some inspiration to enhance what you have already created on your own.
That’s amazing. I haven’t even touched on my sadness that these eight years are drawing to a close. I am hopeful and optimistic about all the ways that the entire Obama family will continue to inspire and serve.
Great post, thank you for sharing! This election has left me reeling along with so many others. I only hope the good we can take from it is a galvanizing call to action – to be vigilant and to volunteer as you are doing. I met up last night with my aunt and uncle to commiserate and realized that my uncle once volunteered under Bobby Kennedy – from him and his generation of liberals, this has been a very striking blow as they have been working to advance civil rights and social issues for a much longer time than our generation can appreciate. I think our generation and the millennials have become a little complacent and we see now that we must continue the work that our parents and grandparents have done. Keep up the good work. Cheers – CT
CT recently posted…The Roller Coaster
I agree completely.
Thank you, Kristen, for this post. It hits home on every point. I want to share it, but I’m going to do so selectively. I am a user of Facebook, and I’ve been pretty outspoken this week. Mostly, people have been supportive. However, not all. And, as I read what others have shared on their pages, calling for us to “move on,” “grow up,” “put on our big girl pants,” and “stop being sore losers,” I am sickened. I can’t help but take it personally. I feel like a dam about to burst. I can’t stomach the hypocrisy. I am a political science major who has been told on more than one occasion this week that I don’t understand democracy. That I am not playing by the rules. That it is not my right to speak out against a president elect who inspires bigotry and hate. I don’t want to bring this to you – so I will share your post, privately, with friends I know will be inspired by your voice. Thank you for sharing your beautiful voice… we need more Kristens in this world. As my daughter has been singing, “We’re not throwing away our shot. We’re gonna rise up!” Sending love and peace your way.
Thanks Andrea. My girls give me hope as well, so much of it. I wish we could have made them proud on Tuesday.
You said this beautifully, as usual.
I go between denial and grief several times a day, I just can’t believe this actually happened. I’m having a hard time even considering interacting with people I know voted for Trump, as well as people who are so proud they voted for a 3rd party candidate. How anyone would chose any option other than Hillary Clinton after looking at the hard facts, I will never know. I haven’t been able to deal with any media, social or otherwise, it’s just too horrific. I’ve been hiding out. I want to do something, not sure I can, but I’ve started by booking my plane ticket and hotel for the Million Woman March in DC the day after the inauguration. It’s my small way of rising up against this man who has no respect for women, to say the least. And maybe being surrounded by likeminded women from all over the country will help me deal with my emotions…they are overwhelming, confusing at times.
I’m usually not one to want to offend people, I’ll typically do anything to avoid it, but feel at this point that we’re past that, past tip-toeing around our feelings to avoid hurting others. I’m just not sure I care anymore, this is too big a deal, too serious of a situation. I really thought I knew our country better.
I’m attempting to get my own thoughts on digital paper but am struggling, there are just so many. Thank you for sharing.
Becky recently posted…St. Louis Halloween 2016
That’s amazing that you’ve booked your trip. We’ve discussed it as well.
The biggest hope I have after this election is that we all do a better job listening to one another. I can’t say I don’t understand the reasons people voted for trump, all I can say is I don’t agree that those reasons were enough to justify their votes. My friends and family are pretty scattered along the political spectrum. I know and love some people who are truly kind and wonderful people and who still reluctantly voted Trump. I think, though speculation, they don’t understand the sentiments others have when they say Trump and his campaign and vision make them feel marginalized, and scared. And I think when you don’t understand or can’t even empathize with that fear, it’s easy to justify your vote in the name of the economy or health care or whatever the reason may be. On the other hand I think of people who are so devastated and shocked by this election, they have a harder time understanding the concerns and fears of a Trump voter (I say voter not supporter as I think most people fall into this category), and because it’s easy (and understandable) for them to look at the big issues (racism, sexism) they are unwilling to look at other issues. And so we just close out people and don’t want to understand them and it’s just so disheartening to see how people can be so absolute in their views instead of just holding strong in their views while trying to understand another’s.
I couldn’t vote for either candidate. As a military family one of the most important aspects of this election for me was who will make the best commander in chief and who will my husband more likely go to combat under. And it’s a selfish view, I realize that, and maybe had Daren not been killed I would feel differently.
A commenter above mentioned she’s having a hard time considering interacting with a trump voter or someone who voted third party. And I get that, especially because this is still so fresh and painful to some, but I also think now is the time we really need to listen to one another and try to extent as much love and empathy we can. I appreciate you always being so transparent in your thoughts and feelings.
Caroline recently posted…Remembrance Day
Caroline,
I so appreciate your thoughtful reply, and your friendship from afar. So many of your thoughts echo my own, and mirror my frustrations (with others, but also with myself.) I’m working on both.
I agree that the reasons people vote for one candidate over another (or who do not vote for any of them) are varied and valid. What struck me in rereading that discussion I was having with five-year-old E was that it started with her question – is one candidate bad? I think she was trying to understand why the grownups around her were so passionate and excited about voting for Obama. Was McCain a bad person? (No, he is not.) I tried to explain to her then that there are so many drivers behind our choices, but what I liked the most about the candidate I was choosing to support was his approach to the issues at hand – all the complexities of them beyond the campaign soundbites. I listened to his press conference live yesterday – it was a long one! – and again, he talked about those nuances, about how he entered the job and had to really do some serious self reflection. How he had to understand what skills he brought to the table, and what skills he was lacking in – I loved his description of getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of paperwork. So he developed a system, he surrounded himself with the best and the brightest, and I truly believe that he was a great president, despite the resistance and roadblocks and great challenges of these days.
The difficult part now is watching our president elect assemble his team. I find the majority of his selections thus far extremely frightening, particularly Steve Bannon. Do I believe that president Trump might be slightly better than candidate Trump? Maybe. But we got the measure of the man over 18 months, and I’m not naive enough to think that he’ll undergo a radical character transformation. So I’m left with the taste of hypocrisy in my mouth that hasn’t subsided. Can we even count the number of things that should have immediately disqualified him from the position? That any one of them would have sunk any other candidate? McCain’s floundering during the ’08 market crash, Romney’s comment about the 47% of Americans who leach off of the rest of us, Clinton’s private email server? Can you imagine our country electing Obama if he had behaved in the way that Trump does? Not a chance.
I have my own disappointment to grapple with, and the disappointment of my daughters, who truly thought they were going to witness something historic. And they still will. But I’m disappointed it wasn’t right now.
And I have the added disappointment of this other feeling – something I’ve never felt towards any other president that I’ve supported in office despite the fact that they did not earn my vote. If I were to imagine receiving an invitation to the White House to meet any president at any point in my life – I would have accepted that invitation and what a highlight it would have been. I would feel the same for my daughters – and they are so bright and engaged that I don’t doubt that opportunity might come up in their young lives. Would I let them meet with Donald Trump, the man, current status notwithstanding? Absolutely not. And that would not change with his new title in January.
And that truth is heartbreaking.
Sigh. Yes. That last bit is a big reason (among many) that Trump could have never earned my vote because he never earned my respect. I haven’t always liked Obamas political stances on issues, but I like him. I find the whole family adorable and he has this charisma that I find so refreshing. And I think there is a lot that was not good about Bush’s presidency, but (and I realize this isn’t a popular view) I also like him as a person. Again a lot of this is tied up in the military aspect of things for me, but seeing his involvement and genuine love for the soldiers and the weight of the decisions he made that affected the military, I can respect him despite his flaws. Trump…it’s just not the case and you’re right, it’s disappointing in a whole other aspect.
Ten days later and I’m still in denial. Surely, this man can’t be our new president! And his cabinet picks —they just get worse and worse. I fear we’re on the brink of WWIII . . .